By the time of my ninth grade Christmas, my parents had long given up the ghost of my belief in Santa and let me put a limited wish list on layaway at a discount department store. I chose four Beatles albums, some sensible tops and a pair of pleated plaid trousers. This was at the height of the high, tiny waisted pants era, and I was at my most vulnerable to the influence of teen fashion magazines like Sassy and Seventeen. Relying on my own taste alone, I had previously bought a hideous intarsia sweater that had the words “Ski Bunny!” knitted in black on a yellow background, so I was up for trying the styles promoted by such magazines. They had touted plaid britches as a back-to-school necessity, and it didn’t matter so much to me that I’d be four months late to that trend by Christmas.
I now doubt that anyone but a mannequin had a body suited for those pants, but at the time I felt that they were a mandatory indictment of my shape, one I deserved if I wanted to partake of future trends. Family legend has it that I was born shaped like an accordian. This isn’t entirely false. After losing considerable amounts of weight, I still look a bit like an accordian but with fewer folds.
The waist on the plaid pants was so small I had to choose a pair two sizes larger than usual, making me look as if I were wearing loud pantaloons. After opening them on Christmas morning, I wore them only three times. The first two times it seemed as if people were trying to see me without seeing the pants. I revisited the experience of being seen-yet-not-seen a few years ago when I went grocery shopping in a pair of Stewie lounge pants.
Dryer shrinkage had doomed the plaid pants by the third time I wore them. After struggling to button them, I sat down on the stairs at home to wait for my sister to finish getting ready for school. This was a day we were free from wearing our school uniforms, and all such days were an opportunity to show our fashion sense and flair for maximum big hair. All of the hair spray in the air made me sneeze, and the recoil of that sneeze ripped the button from my pants. As the button ricocheted off two walls, I was spared the infamy of having worn those absurd pants to school. I had already given others enough fodder for embarrassing nostalgia by wearing “Ski Bunny!” for class picture day and for my dateless appearance at that year’s Homecoming dance.
I have been relatively immune to fashion in the intervening years. Every year has an absurd, ill-fitting trend. Even though I have worn every size from 4 to 24 over the years, I still have not had the dimensions for easily finding clothes that fit well. I don’t know who the industry has in mind when their ever shifting sizes are created. I used to think that I had a hard time finding flattering clothes because I was overweight, but I’ve had the same problem at a healthy weight. I have the best luck buying clothes at thrift stores, finding nearly new apparel that didn’t fit someone else well enough.
I have a few recipes for inexpensive, diet-friendly dishes. Back when I was broke (not so many years ago), I made a goal of seeing how little money I could spend on cooking and still create something nutritious. This soup was part of that quest. The butter can be omitted, but I think adding a little fat helps with flavor and nutrient absorption. Of course, this recipe can be varied. I’ve found that mushrooms and a 1/2 cup of cooked barley are nice additions.
- 8 cups chicken broth (boullion may be used)
- 1 lb carrots, sliced
- 1 bunch celery, sliced (include the leaves if you love celery)
- 1 small onion, chopped
- 1 lb dried kidney beans, cooked
- 1 bay leaf (optional, really enhances the flavor of the soup)
- 1 6 oz can tomato paste
- 1 T butter
Melt the butter in a dutch oven and cook the onion over medium heat for five minutes. Next add the celery and carrots and cook for fifteen minutes more. Adding the remaining ingredients and simmer until the vegetables are tender. Remove bay leaf before serving.
I plugged this recipe into a recipe calorie calculator at caloriecount.com and these were the results if the recipe were divided into 12 servings:
I have maintained a 115 pound weight loss for four years. I would like to share my strategies for two reasons: to help others would like to achieve similar results and to renew my goal of keeping my excess weight off. The hardest part of sustaining weight loss is determining how much focus needs to be devoted to that effort. I admit that I have not found an easy formula for setting this priority, but I know that it needs attention every day. I have learned that I was overweight because I have little sense of proportion regarding food and physical activity. For example, if I do not make a list of what I’ve eaten, I will just keep on eating. Likewise, I won’t move enough without a record of the exercise I’ve done.
Based on my experiences, I think there are many ideas in circulation about weight loss that are discouraging. The darkest one is the notion that it should be done quickly. It is better to think of weight loss like paying off a long term beneficial debt, such as a mortgage or student loan.
My journey also leads me to doubt common ideas about how restrictive a diet needs to be. I think the intensity and duration of exercise suggested is probably inflated, too. I have rarely eaten less than 1500 calories a day. Actually I average eating 2000 calories and walking 12,000 steps a day. While I was losing weight, those numbers were closer to 1800 and 15,000. I also gradually worked up to those numbers needed for me to lose weight.
Here is a list of what has helped me manage my weight:
- Keep a Food Diary and Count Calories – Calorie information is widely available online and on food packages. After a while you will gain a good sense of estimating calories.
- Use a Pedometer – At first just use it to get a baseline of your physical activity then gradually increase your steps to 10,000+ a day. You may be pleasantly surprised at how many daily steps you can sustain. Then try some more intense exercise like an elliptical workout or strength training. This last part isn’t absolutely essential, but you may find it feels so good that it helps you stay dedicated to watching your weight.
- Limit Restaurant Meals – I try to limit take out meals to once a week. I aim to spend the majority of my food dollars at grocery stores. It is easier to stretch your money and calorie budget by making your own meals. The portions of ready made meals at the grocery store are usually smaller than at a restaurant, too.
- Short Term Failures are Inevitable – I think it is impossible to eat right all the time. I have had many bad days with food. I have repeatedly gained and lost the same ten pounds. I try not to see these setbacks as signs of doom. I used to do that and yo-yo dieted my way to 260 pounds as a result. Keep trying, even if you have a bad day, a bad week, or a terrible month.
Walt Whitman appeared in the best dream I ever had. About twenty years ago, I had the persistent shroud of depression despite treatment and was also a bit broken hearted over love unrequited. I had dropped out of college because I felt overwhelmed at the prospect of managing my time effectively and setting the goals necessary to complete my degree. I was working retail, too, which I found so miserable that I felt my time in the store should count as credit for time served in Purgatory.
I felt hopeless, but then I had a dream that was like a thunderclap of grace. In the dream I was walking on an Israeli beach with Walt Whitman, who looked rather apostolic. He told me that all is not either good or evil, but there is also folly. He recommended patience and compassion in dealing with folly, which can be mistaken for evil.
Then I seemed to be beamed into a review of my life akin to common stories of near death experiences. In my life review, a voice told me that in life we see through a glass darkly and that this was a chance for me to see my life as it is seen in Heaven. As I watched interludes from my life, I saw no reason for sadness, regret or strife. I watched what had seemed to be awful misfortunes in my life as a parent proudly watches a baby learn to walk. Even what was regrettable was still watched with love.
I cherish the memory of this dream as something that has helped sustain me through the years since. From time to time, I feel a moment of the ineffable peace, love and grace from that dream, and I am reassured that all will be well.
Yesterday I read a post on Facebook that stood in refreshing contrast to the shame culture I see too often online. Not a week goes by before I see some news story that has been fowarded ad infinitum, appended with hundreds of judgements of the subject of said story. A classic one is something I classify as Mother of the Year, a tale in which a mom does something to disqualify herself absolutely for such a title, as least according the Court of Internet Public Opinion.
I am weary of all of this mob fury. I worry that it is going to spill into our interactions on a more intimate scale, that it could become commonplace for folks to get group whippings online over petty disputes.
In contrast to these public judgements, I sometimes witness great shows of support for misfortune. I have wondered if the internet community would be so supportive if the adversity was due to something that could be judged negatively. Yesterday I read that one of my Facebook friends was relieved to have finished paying a debt through wage garnishment, and the responses were refreshingly supportive. I thought he was brave to admit the experience and pleased that others cheered him for satisfying his debt.
I would prefer to read that instead of the usual shame-on-so-and-so stories.