Garden, July 22

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This weekend we received some much-needed rain and cooler temperatures. The turn in weather bore hints of fall, which I would whole-heartedly embrace if not for the turmoil I feel within when thinking of what fall may hold for us this year. It’s no good to consider the future with worry over what could go wrong, but that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m terribly worried that we’ll have another school year that my daughter will barely tolerate. I keep telling myself that it’s utterly counterproductive to think in such a way, that worry improves the future about as well thought alone can make the hands of a clock move faster.

Last week I read Dicken’s A Tale of Two Cities for the very first time. I’ll try not to spoil the plot for those of you who haven’t read this classic, but I will mention that there is a poignant reverie wherein one of the characters imagines some glorious aspects of a future that stretches across several generations. Perhaps it is not natural for anyone to think so far into the future, but I found that I could not or would not think more than two to three years into the future. To look any further seems like delving into a choose-your-own-adventure where the choices seem impossible to make.

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Yesterday’s Garden

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I also took a few pictures of yesterday’s garden, but I delayed the posting of them until today. I gathered more than my fair share of mosquito bites over the weekend. I’m not sure why I don’t remember from year to year that mosquitos and hardy hibiscus peak at the same time. You’d think I’d remember to dig out the insect repellent once the buds on my hibiscus bush are heavy with flower buds.

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Summer Photo Walk, July 7

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Today’s locations were the Lima Public Library and the Allen County Children’s Garden, which are situated right next to each other just west of downtown Lima, Ohio.

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Saturday

I’m having trouble inventing titles for posts. I have phases of depression wherein I have the delusion that I am not equal to the tasks of reading or writing. This problem proved to be the heart of my undoing as an English major. Imagine that you suddenly believe that you will neither retain or understand the content of a book. Layer upon that sort of unknowing the conviction that your sentences would not pass a middle-school grammar “white glove test.”

Maybe it’s because I’ve entertained the possibility of taking an online class or two in writing or literature. I have no inkling which citation style reigns these days. I’m still attached to the Oxford comma. Math is not the only subject wherein the if-you-don’t-use-you-lose-it principle applies.

Looking at online course listings has provoked all sorts of insecurities. The illiteracy delusion taunts me again. It’s like a body dysmorphic disorder of the mind.

Does anyone else who’s had depression suffer from the I-can’t-read-or-write issue?

This morning I had to take my car for maintenance. I dread doing so because I’m afraid I’ll look stupid when I don’t drive my car to the right garage door, or I’ll get there too early and they’ll expect me to park my car in a manner which would be proof-positive that I’d pass the serpentine test for a CDL. I was lucky my timing was just right this morning. I coasted into the right garage door with the greatest of ease.

I’d rather not have spent the heart of my morning getting my oil (and coolant and brake fluid) changed, but I’ve learned this is something one ought not to delay. Get your car’s oil changed and your teeth cleaned on schedule and you’ll spare yourself all sorts of aggravation. For years I didn’t think I had the time or money to deal with the dentist. This was total hogwash. I put off getting my teeth cleaned for 10 years when it would have cost me nothing out of pocket to get it done. What was the result? One extraction, one root canal, one crown, and 13 fillings. During that decade when I didn’t get my teeth cleaned, I seldom failed to brush my teeth twice a day, and I still had this harvest of decay.

By the way, I am getting my teeth cleaned on Thursday.

After I shelled out an uncomfortable sum to the car dealership for their service, I did a quick photo walk around the Lima Public Library and the adjacent Children’s Garden. I felt like expanding the radius of my walk toward downtown, but I stumbled on an uneven sidewalk. It was a slow-motion tumble. Gravity doubled down on me, and I lost. When I stumble or run into something, I hope that these small accidents make minor adjustments that lessen my nerve pain. I think my sidewalk incident this morning might have been a lucky one, but I wasn’t going to tempt fate by walking further onward.

I will share more of the pictures from that walk in another post. For now, I will reveal the best of the bunch—an image that reminds of why I do what I do.

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Friday Evening

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I don’t think I’ve ever been able to crouch that deeply without falling over or making parts of my legs fall asleep. Like a liquid, I can be compressed no further. It’s a good thing my husband is limber enough to tend to the shorter plants in the garden.