Saturday

I’m having trouble inventing titles for posts. I have phases of depression wherein I have the delusion that I am not equal to the tasks of reading or writing. This problem proved to be the heart of my undoing as an English major. Imagine that you suddenly believe that you will neither retain or understand the content of a book. Layer upon that sort of unknowing the conviction that your sentences would not pass a middle-school grammar “white glove test.”

Maybe it’s because I’ve entertained the possibility of taking an online class or two in writing or literature. I have no inkling which citation style reigns these days. I’m still attached to the Oxford comma. Math is not the only subject wherein the if-you-don’t-use-you-lose-it principle applies.

Looking at online course listings has provoked all sorts of insecurities. The illiteracy delusion taunts me again. It’s like a body dysmorphic disorder of the mind.

Does anyone else who’s had depression suffer from the I-can’t-read-or-write issue?

This morning I had to take my car for maintenance. I dread doing so because I’m afraid I’ll look stupid when I don’t drive my car to the right garage door, or I’ll get there too early and they’ll expect me to park my car in a manner which would be proof-positive that I’d pass the serpentine test for a CDL. I was lucky my timing was just right this morning. I coasted into the right garage door with the greatest of ease.

I’d rather not have spent the heart of my morning getting my oil (and coolant and brake fluid) changed, but I’ve learned this is something one ought not to delay. Get your car’s oil changed and your teeth cleaned on schedule and you’ll spare yourself all sorts of aggravation. For years I didn’t think I had the time or money to deal with the dentist. This was total hogwash. I put off getting my teeth cleaned for 10 years when it would have cost me nothing out of pocket to get it done. What was the result? One extraction, one root canal, one crown, and 13 fillings. During that decade when I didn’t get my teeth cleaned, I seldom failed to brush my teeth twice a day, and I still had this harvest of decay.

By the way, I am getting my teeth cleaned on Thursday.

After I shelled out an uncomfortable sum to the car dealership for their service, I did a quick photo walk around the Lima Public Library and the adjacent Children’s Garden. I felt like expanding the radius of my walk toward downtown, but I stumbled on an uneven sidewalk. It was a slow-motion tumble. Gravity doubled down on me, and I lost. When I stumble or run into something, I hope that these small accidents make minor adjustments that lessen my nerve pain. I think my sidewalk incident this morning might have been a lucky one, but I wasn’t going to tempt fate by walking further onward.

I will share more of the pictures from that walk in another post. For now, I will reveal the best of the bunch—an image that reminds of why I do what I do.

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7 thoughts on “Saturday”

    1. It doesn’t help that my parents were bizarrely permissive regarding dental care. They didn’t make us go but would take us if we wanted to do so. Nowadays that stance would seem as logical as letting kids wear seat belts only when they felt like it.

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      1. My parents made me go. They always kept up with their dental care, I know I need to go because my parents didn’t have good teeth. This isn’t a reason not to go but I hate being treated like a child in regards to brushing and flossing when the dental hygeinists lecture me.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Have you tried Coursera’s free online courses? Jackson recommended it to me. The list of Universities offering these courses is incredible, not only in the United States but also abroad. I have done it a few times and enjoyed it, the only pressure was self-induced. I also suffer from bouts of depression and insecurity (it’s a family tradition). Recognising
    it and forcing yourself to deal with it is not easy but you can do it. We both know it doesn’t get easier. Be strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow–beautiful pic. And, yes to home, car, and body maintenance. As for teeth (which I’m good about taking care of, but was cursed with not-great teeth genes), I broke one on the 4th. I know I’m now looking at a crown, because I’ve been warned that was coming. Can’t help feeling I’m on a downward track for body–hopefully not mind–as I get further into my 40s. Ugh.

    Liked by 1 person

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