Fall Photo Walk, September 30

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This post has a dual purpose. As indicated through its title, I will share some photos I took on a walk this morning. I will also devote part of this post to explaining why I haven’t been posting as often.

Our heatwave is over, and the weather has been ideal for the past couple days. I am so grateful that the sweltering temperatures have dissipated. It feels strange to write that we reached temperatures in the low 90’s during the first week of fall. When the heat becomes oppressive, I linger on memories of cold temperatures.

One memory in particular that helped sustain me through this recent heat hails from seven years ago. I was working nights in a freezer (a tidbit I also mentioned in my post from earlier today). To be more specific, I worked part of my shift in a freezer. Even though I had ample gear from my employer to protect me from the cold, I’d often struggle with feeling that my feet were cold when I tried to fall asleep at home later in the day.

Necessity required me to keep a strange schedule during that era. I failed to launch several times in my earlier adulthood. After each of several ill-planned goals had fallen apart, I’d move back into my parent’s house, dwell on my faults at length, and grasp another straw. By the time I reached 35 and had a child of my own, I figured I needed to stick with something, anything. The place that felt like home was a massive grocery warehouse, where I still work and have grown to love as much as anyone can become attached to a workplace.

I spent my first three years there on the night shift, and I’d devote half of my nights to the perishable section. I’d go home after work and rest for a couple hours until it was time to get my daughter ready for school. I’d feel too worn out during this first “shift” of sleep to fuss over feeling cold. Once I dropped my daughter off at school, I’d go home and back to bed. In the winter months, I’d often be plagued with “cold feet” when I’d fall asleep that second time.

I remember getting out of bed and soaking my feet in hot water, but most of the time it seemed that my water heater was too lazy to offer me water hot enough to warm up my feet. No other remedy seemed equal to this challenge without making me wake up in a sweat by noon.

During the recent heat, I dwelled on that memory several times, as if I could resurrect that chill in my feet just by thinking about it. I learned that cold is not a state of mind.

Now for why I haven’t been posting as much lately . . . About a week and a half ago, I found out why my hip and thigh have been aching lately. It was not related to my back surgery. Instead, the issue is muscular, and I have started physical therapy to remedy this problem.

I’ve had pain on a chronic basis for over a year now. In my experience, depression and pain profit from each other. I visited my family doctor and inquired if I should start taking an antidepressant again. She suggested that I try Cymbalta since it has shown promise in tempering chronic pain.

I took Cymbalta for ten days and could tolerate no more. Everyone reacts a bit differently to these types of drugs. While I am sure it has worked wonders for some people, it did not do so for me. It nearly silenced my orthopedic pain. Unfortunately, I had some side effects which were intolerable.

The main problem definitely resides in the Too Much Information file. It’s one of those facts of life that merits little reflection if things are working as they should. If this process is disrupted, it can loom large enough in the mind (and part of the body, too, I suppose) to crowd out other concerns.

There is no delicate way of relating the problem. I developed the worse case of constipation I’ve ever experienced. The whole interlude haunts me like a quote I read in an oddball book I read years ago called Holy Wisdom by Augustine Baker. Baker wrote a series of resignations or things he’d be willing to endure if God’s will demanded it of him. In one of them, he claimed that he would “not yield to the motion of nature, which perhaps out of wearisomeness would fain have life at an end.”

Over the past year, I’ve been prescribed a couple medicines that helped me with my orthopedic pain. On gabapentin, I couldn’t remember shit. On Cymbalta, I couldn’t give a shit, both literally and figuratively. I’d rather feel the pain. At least that pain is diminishing again.

Back to my walk this morning . . . Fall color has been a bit stunted due to low rainfall over the past couple months. If this drought deepens, I doubt we’ll have many picture perfect leaves when the color peaks. No matter how much rain we get, I’ll be grateful for an end to the heat by the time October is over. The temperatures may climb into the 80’s again next weekend.

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